insane

the thought has driven me to it today...how could someone harm their child? I love my two kids more than I could have ever imagined, so even the thought of their being in harms way makes me shudder. Never have I awaken from sleep so suddenly or in such terror as when I've dreamt something was happening to my son. So when I got the call today from a Lieutenant about one of my blood drive coordinators being the only real suspect in her son's homicide I wanted to scream.

This lady with whom I spent time with putting together a blood drive in honor of her infant son's brief life had actually been the one to kill him. I don't know the details...I don't know if it was an accident...but I know that the Lieutenant said that it was definitely a homicide. She had harmed her child to the point of his death...6 months old.

I had been thinking about how God is our father and how that makes his love and care for us in our rage or in our complacency make a bit more sense. But today, I am thankful that he is a loving Father who having marked us out beforehand for adoption through Jesus Christ to himself, according to the good pleasure of his will, made us sons. He had the choice to choose us as His children, and he did. It was not something forced upon him, not some child he wished that his wife had not gotten pregnant with. This child (completely depraved me) was his chosen, adopted son. He does not wish me harm. In fact, he has a plan for me...he has a future...a future filled with hope and direction, a plan filled with the God-kind of prosperity where I think less of me and more of others and become more like my Father. If I fail Him, He's God so He knew it was coming and He's already forgiven me.

In moments where I think that the unthinkable has happened, sometimes it's best to dwell on the truth that I know about God. The questions still come to mind, but they are questions from a mind that at least has a great anchoring point.